Dating in a Secular World – This May Be a Bit Controversial, but give me your opinions

The Bible has many “rules” laid out for dating and relationships, for example:

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?  What harmony is there between Christ and Belial (Satan)? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?  What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”  “Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.”  “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” (2 Cor. 6:14-18)

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” (1 Cor. 6:18)

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;” (1 Thess. 4: 3-5)

As someone who is re-entering the dating scene, what does God expect of me?

Only dating other Christians is imperative to me. It is so important to have the same faith and beliefs as the person you are dating/marrying because your faith should be the cornerstone of your relationship and should base how you both live your lives. If your faith tells you to do one thing and his/her faith tells them to do another, how would you be able to make that work? Having not only similar interests, but the same beliefs is the only way to get into a relationship that is going to last and be favorable to God.

Christianity preaches to abstain from sex until marriage and to remain pure and virginal, but what if I have already had sex? What if I am no longer “pure” in that sense? Does God expect me to wait until I am married to have sex again?

The Bible never specifically refers to sex before marriage. It does, however, condemn adultery and sexual immorality, but is sex before marriage considered “sexually immoral?”

1 Corinthians 7:2 says “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” People reference this verse as answering “yes” to my question. They say that Paul is stating that marriage is the “cure” for sexual immorality, but anyone who has been married knows that is not necessarily the case. I was in a marriage and sexual immorality crept in. Marriage is not the cure for that-God is! If we took this verse literally, it would essentially say that people cannot control themselves and are having immoral sex with multiple partners so they should get married in order to have sex morally. Should sex really be a reason for marriage? It is a benefit of being in a loving, monogamous relationship, sure, but should it be “the reason” to marry…just so you’re not “sexually immoral.”

Some of you may think my take on this is wrong-and that is okay. That is the point of this blog-to raise questions, get a discussion going, and help each other grow and open our minds to new possibilities in the Word, in our faith, and in our lives.

I know God made sex to be a pleasurable activity.

Proverbs 5:19 says “A loving doe, a graceful deer; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.”

Song of Solomon also clearly describes the pleasures of sex, love, and intimacy.

I know God created sex as the way of procreation.

In this aspect, having sex outside of marriage can certainly complicate things. The couple engaging in sex is always taking a chance of creating a human life. God made man, woman, and child with a family unit in mind. He made Adam and Eve and had them procreate to make children…the first family.

Is having a baby outside of wedlock a sin though? I am not sure…it’s honestly not for me to judge. God does not specifically say “babies who are not born inside of a marriage are a sin in my eyes,” but it definitely makes circumstances harder on everyone involved. I got pregnant at 17 with my daughter Bella and had her during my senior year of high school. It is difficult-no doubts about it, but do I think God sees my daughter as a sin? No. In fact, he shows himself to me through her on a regular basis. (Read “My Testimony” post to see what I mean).

I know God wants us to protect our heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

As someone who has counseled several young girls facing pregnancy or sex before marriage in their own lives (because of my past experiences), I know that one of the biggest things young women (and some young men as well) face is having sex before they are emotionally ready and before they are tied to that someone. Many girls who have sex with a guy as a teenager or young adult are “so in love” at the time and feel so emotionally connected to that person and they think that sex is the next, natural step. But I have seen it happen so many times, the girl and guy have sex and for one reason or another, they end up breaking up, and one or both parties feel used and broken-hearted because they gave that person something they can never have back.

From someone who wishes things could have been different in that aspect of my life, save yourself. Protect your heart. Guard it close to you. Pray about everything. God will bring the right person into your life in His time. Do not rush it. Do not feel like you have to because a man or woman is pressuring you to do so or because all of your friends have done it.

Being a mature adult, being in a committed, monogamous relationship, and making sure that sex, or love, or infatuation, do not come before God in your life should all be deciding factors in having sex with someone.

I am not condemning those who have sex outside of marriage. I am not saying you are wrong if you wait until your wedding night to have sex for the first time.

The point of this blog post is not to tell you to go sleep with whoever, whenever because the Bible does not say not to have premarital sex, it is to inform you of the entire situation from all angles.

In today’s day and time, you also have so much to worry about if you have multiple sexual partners (or if the person you are with has had multiple sexual partners-even if he/she is your first). Did you know that there are an estimate 19.7 Million new STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) every year in the U.S. Read the statistics on sexually transmitted diseases and infections and you may just never want to have sex-EVER. Haha. No, but seriously, it is important to be informed and it is very important to know and trust the person in which you are being physical. Read more on STDs and STIs here: http://www.ashasexualhealth.org/std-sti/std-statistics.html

Despite your views on the issue, if the Bible’s message on sex within marriage was obeyed by everyone, there would be the potential for far fewer sexually transmitted diseases, far less abortions, less single mothers, less unwanted/unplanned pregnancies, and less children growing up without both parents in their lives. Again, this is not 100% fool-proof. I was married and my husband decided to leave me and our children for one of his coworkers. In instances like this, the children still end up without their father and grow up in a single-parent household.

As someone who is new to the dating world (again), all I can do is be true to God and true to myself. If anything makes me feel uncomfortable, I will not do it. If anything comes between me and God, it will be pushed aside. My relationship with God is the most important thing to me. All of my other relationships are dependent upon it.

Please comment. Let me know what you think we, as Christians, are called to do the second time around?

Are we supposed to abstain until marriage?

Should we only have sex within the confines of a monogamous relationship?

What are your views on the topics I discussed?