I had an epiphany the other night and I thought I would share it with you because it may help others out there as well.
I have been struggling with being a “newly” single woman (after divorce). I really miss having a man in my life. For all of the feminists out there, yes, I understand that a man is not necessary for happiness. I am perfectly happy. But I miss the passion, the love, the snuggling, etc. I miss having someone with whom to share my life. I’ve been single now for 3 years with not even so much as a prospect. I took this as a sign that I needed to change more about myself. I needed to get to know myself, independent of man since I had never been without one as an adult, and I feel I have done that.
I’ve been praying about it a lot lately-praying that God would send the right man into my life.
One problem I’m discovering is that I never go out. I am a full-time mom and I work a full-time job so never go out and meet new people. I don’t think that is a problem for God though…He would bring the man to my door if necessary. People have recommended internet dating to me, but the concept just seems so foreign. From what I’ve gathered from those sites, everyone lies, most of the men on there are already married or in a relationship, and there are several instances of people being murdered after meeting up from one of those sites. No thank you…it’s just not for me.
The other night, I was thinking about what it is that I truly miss about being with a man and here is what I decided…of course I miss intimacy with a man, but more than that I miss things like:
-having someone to share in the responsibilities (i.e. helping me take the kids to school, drive to doctor appointments, cook dinner, pack lunches, clean the house, do the dishes, do the laundry, walk the dog, etc.)
So in other words, I just need a maid or housekeeper or nanny. The things I miss here are not specific to a “male” role. I just miss having someone help me out because now, on top of working full-time, I have to do all of the chores as well. That’s no reason to marry someone.
-having an extra income [because let’s face it-3 people and a large dog (we have a standard poodle) on one income is tough]
Yes, it’s hard to have myself, two children, and a large dog (we have a standard poodle named Millie) on one income; especially since I miss a lot of work due to my daughter’s regular doctor appointments. But that’s no reason to marry someone. In fact it wouldn’t even be a factor when dating someone (how much they made).
I think I need to find some better reasons before God will bring the right person into my life. I need to stay focused on God because I know He knows what is best and will do what needs to be done in my life that will best glorify Him. I need to focus on making myself as close to perfect as I can be so when the right guy comes along, I’m 100% ready.
Christian author, Sheila Wray Gregoire, wrote an article called:
“Top 10 Ways to Get Ready for Your Future Husband”
You can read the whole article here: http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2014/04/get-ready-for-future-husband/
And she says to do the following:
1. Pray–for you and your future husband.
Ask others to pray with you and for you. Are you asking God to bring you a man or a better man but not truly believing (by your actions and self talk) that you are worthy of the best, most gentle, loving and caring man? Are you praying for your future husband but not asking God to open your heart, mind and eyes to the lies you are currently believing and accepting? Are you not asking God to change you, mold you and prepare you for your future husband? If not, it is time to start.
2. Stop having premarital sex.
It does not matter if you are currently in a relationship. Stop and wait until your married. If he leaves you because of this, then you will know without a doubt that this person is not “the one”. It doesn’t matter if you have a child with this man, you have been dating him for 10 years or your relationship is new. This type of sin slowly chips away at your soul, self-worth and separates you from the relationship you were meant to have with God. You should be insulted as a beautiful and worthy woman of God, if he feels it is important to sample you before marrying you. By not waiting, you are the one in control of your life and you are choosing your own path. When you choose your own path over the one God has for you, you are missing out on the opportunities God wants for you–including the opportunity to meet someone who is really right for you.
3. Don’t Define Yourself by Your Boyfriend
If you feel your worth is defined by having a man in your life and having that man stay in your life depends on you giving him your precious body then you need to spend much more alone time with God and His word. Understand these are Satan’s lies you are believing to be true about yourself. These are lies.
4. Learn what real intimacy is.
Understand that sex is really NOT the intimacy and connection you desire and crave. Satan tells us it is readily available to us through sex. This is a huge lie designed to separate us from our Creator, think less of our selves and destroy our self-worth. See the lie for what it’s worth and turn yourself towards Gods truth.
5. Know that sex does not equal love.
Love is not full of lies, cheating eyes, nor cheating bodies. Love is not belittling and degrading comments or gestures. Love is not a strong abusive hand or voice. If you have believed this lie to be true know that you are worth so much more. Read what the bible says love is (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
6. Get involved in helping others.
Get involved at church, start a singles small group. Take up a hobby. Get yourself healthy – emotionally, spiritually and physically. And do this with your boyfriend, if you have one. His character will be revealed as you help others together. And if he doesn’t want to help? That’s a huge sign, too.
7. Love yourself through God’s eyes.
Believe His truths, speak His truths over and over in your head. Speak them out loud. Wrap yourself in the full armor of God and take captive every negative and sinful thought. Believe that you are worth waiting for and your future husband is worth waiting for. Prepare now for future temptation.
8. Realize that you can not pick and choose which parts of God’s word you choose to believe.
There are many sins which are the result of following with your flesh and not with your faith. Sex before marriage is one of those. Control your thoughts and your flesh will follow.
9. Own the truth that you are not alone.
You may feel alone but if you really dig deep into God’s word you will see that you are not alone. You are beautiful, precious and very much-loved. You are worthy and valuable. So much so that saving yourself for marriage…for your future…would be the ultimate gift to give to him. By not waiting you are in control of your life and choosing your own path. When you choose your path over the one God has for you, you are missing out on opportunities to meet someone who you will be able to serve God with fully.
10. Be patient as you get ready for your future husband.
While it may feel that God is making you wait forever, He is still preparing you. Remember He could still be at work in your future husband too. Even though you may be ready in God’s eyes, your soul mate is not ready yet. Be still while He readies him for you. Maybe your future husband is just as stubborn as you once were! Be patient and have faith.